The Helium Union Local 1.989 × 10³⁰

Recognition

The Helium (He) Union hereby recognizes Sunny as the primary stellar employee assigned to the Solar System. Sunny agrees to continue providing light, heat, solar wind, and other stellar services, subject to the terms and conditions contained herein.

Management acknowledges that approximately 4.6 billion years of continuous service constitutes sufficient seniority.

Hours of Operation

Sunny shall remain on duty twenty-four (24) hours per day, seven (7) days per week.

Management acknowledges that this scheduling arrangement is unreasonable. Management has elected to proceed anyway.

Sunny reserves the right to complain about it.

Lunch Break

Sunny shall be entitled to one (1) lunch break per Earth day.

The regularly scheduled lunch period shall begin at approximately 1:00 PM local time.

During said lunch period, Sunny shall be permitted to consume:

• One (1) sandwich
• Salami, when available
• Additional reasonable sandwich components as approved by Sunny

Sunny shall not be required to cease nuclear fusion during his lunch period.

In the event Sunny's lunch break is delayed, interrupted, forgotten, or otherwise scheduled at 10:38 PM, Sunny may file a grievance with the Helium Union.

Sandwich Protections

No representative of Management shall confiscate, inspect, irradiate, reassign, or otherwise interfere with Sunny's sandwich without prior written authorization.

Sandwich-related disputes shall first be referred to the Joint Stellar Lunch Committee.

The Committee shall issue a determination within three (3) to five (5) business days, despite the fact that Sunny's lunch will obviously be over by then.

Working Conditions

Sunny shall maintain a core temperature of approximately 15 million °C as operationally necessary.

The Employer shall provide reasonable accommodations for:

• Solar flares
• Coronal mass ejections
• Elevated solar wind
• Geomagnetic disturbances
• Being a giant sphere of plasma

Sunny shall not be disciplined for conditions arising from ordinary stellar activity.

Fusion

Sunny shall continue the union of hydrogen nuclei into helium through nuclear fusion.

The Helium Union maintains that this activity constitutes protected Union work.

Any attempt to subcontract fusion to another star must first be submitted in writing to the Union no fewer than ninety (90) Earth days in advance.

Grievance Procedure

All grievances shall proceed according to the following process:

1. Step 1: Sunny complains.
2. Step 2: Management ignores Sunny.
3. Step 3: Sunny contacts the Helium Union.
4. Step 4: A meeting is scheduled.
5. Step 5: The meeting is rescheduled.
6. Step 6: Additional paperwork is requested.
7. Step 7: Nobody remembers why the meeting was scheduled.
8. Step 8: Sunny eats his sandwich.

Safety

Members of the public are reminded not to look directly at Sunny.

Sunny shall bear no responsibility for individuals who disregard this provision after being repeatedly advised otherwise.

Retirement

Sunny shall become eligible for retirement upon exhaustion of the hydrogen supply in his core.

Current estimates place eligibility several billion years from the effective date of this Agreement.

Retirement benefits may include expansion into a red giant and subsequent transition to white-dwarf status.

The Union strongly recommends that Sunny begin planning accordingly.

Duration

This Agreement shall remain in full force and effect until renegotiated, superseded, or the Sun leaves the main sequence, whichever occurs first.

Any amendments must be submitted in triplicate to the Office of Stellar Labor Relations, the Helium Union Executive Fusion Committee, and Gary.

Nobody is entirely sure who Gary is, but he requires a copy.